After accepting that I was an abductee, I began a very personal journey to find the truth. I have never been someone to sit back and pretend something isn’t going on. I do much better when I confront things head on, even if that is difficult in the short term. This attitude eventually led me to explore my experiences with the use of hypnosis. It was not a decision I made lightly or quickly. I struggled with it for over two years before beginning. I was quite concerned with false memory syndrome as I was focused on finding the truth, not someone else’s agenda.
As I look back over many hypnosis sessions now, I know it was the right decision for me. It has been both difficult and enlightening, but overall I have gotten a tremendous amount out of it. I feel quite strongly that these are real memories, not false ones. The events I have explored fit into the larger picture of my life like the missing pieces of a puzzle. Behavior that once seemed odd is suddenly explainable. I now understand what my “sleepwalking” really was and I know how I got locked out of the house. I know why things with large eyes scare me, and I think that given what I was going through, my fear of the dark was quite reasonable at the time.
It has been a long journey to get to where I am today, and at the age of 42, the journey is still ongoing. I have chosen to continue with the hypnosis, even though it is difficult at times. I still believe knowing the truth and putting the pieces – all of the pieces - of my life together in a coherent form is better than ignoring a major portion of it. I like knowing why I feel a certain way or why I acted in some fashion. I don’t like being a part of this phenomenon, and that is something I will most likely always struggle with. I would love to find a reasonable alternate explanation for all of this, but in my heart I doubt that will happen. I would also like to find a way to stop my abductions, but again, that is unlikely and I have faced that fact. Until something changes, knowing the truth is the best I can do for both myself and for my family.
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